One last time
by onmyside
Summary: It's New Year's Eve at Downton and Carson thinks about the decision he's made. Has it been the right one? And how will it change his life? Contains spoilers and speculations for the upcoming Downton Christmas Special aka THE LAST EPISODE EVER.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N Just a tiny little fic about the upcoming Christmas Specials. Includes Spoilers and Speculations! It might not make any sense because I got distracted so often while writing this LOL. My own fault. Enjoy reading and please let me know what you think about it. Thanks in advance._

 _ **ONE LAST TIME**_

* * *

Her clear, beautiful voice filled the room, enchanted everyone present: the hallboys, Mrs Patmore, Miss Baxter, even Thomas. They all listened intently before they timidly joined her, added a second and a third verse to the traditional song. Their voices grew louder, more powerful until everyone was smiling happily and they were all singing from the top of their lungs. He had never experienced a New Year's such as this, standing amidst a group of friends, not as the butler and their superior, but as a man.

From the look on their faces he knew that no one was worried that he would stop their merriment at any moment to send them back upstairs to work. They all knew that after they had their own little celebration, a glass or two of champagne, a hug and a shy kiss on the cheek, the night was not over. Tables had to be cleared, glasses collected and cleaned. The house needed to look as tidy and neat as always the next morning. A busy New Year's Day lay ahead of them but for this small moment in time the only thing that mattered was their own lives, thoughts, troubles, wishes and hopes. They were a group of people, not servants, living in the same house, seeing each other every day, sharing lives and secrets and worries.

Some of the faces that smiled back at him he knew very well, had known them half their lives. He considered them to be his friends, not simply the people he worked with. Like Anna, who was not amongst them right now but instead at her own home, taking care of her new born child together with Mr Bates. A beautiful little girl he would hopefully see growing up into a clever young girl one day. Or Mrs Patmore who joined the household almost at the same time as he did. How young and inexperienced they all had once been, unsure about their future. The only thing they were sure of back then was that they had found themselves a good job and had to work hard in order to keep it. With time, they adjusted, worked their way up, found their place in life.

Or so he had thought.

The proof that life sometimes took an unexpected turn when you least expected it stood next to him and sang the familiar song with the most heavenly voice. She turned her head and looked at him as if she had felt his eyes on her, had known that he had been lost in thought. A bright smile graced her face and while she repeated the last lines of the final verse, he reached out to take her hand, entwined their fingers. Had this been a normal day, had he been the person he was in the hours between sunrise and sunset, he would not have allowed himself such a loving gesture. But right now he was simply Charles, husband to Elsie, surrounded by friends.

"Happy New Year", everyone shouted around them.

"A very happy New Year my dear", her voice was not loud but she drowned out all of the joyful shouting around them.

"The happiest I've ever had." Words he had never imagined he would ever speak. A year ago he had not found the courage to say them, and five years ago New Year's Eve had been like any other day. Busy and long but nothing special.

She took a sip from her glass of champagne before she closed the distance between them, stood on her tiptoes and kissed his lips tenderly. It felt like the first kiss they had shared months ago and it tasted of champagne and happiness. Despite being in the middle of the servant's hall, surrounded by other people, he kissed her back, opened his mouth to taste more of her. His free hand gently caressed her cheek. When they broke the kiss seconds later, their foreheads touched. Both of them were reluctant to break contact. His hand still rested on her cheek, the other firmly held her hand.

"I love you", she whispered.

OOoooooOOoooooOOoooooOO

"Is this truly the happiest New Year's Eve you've ever experienced?" She asked later when the room was almost empty except for Mrs Patmore and Mr Mason who shared the rest of the champagne between them. He sat in the corner on his chair and she had taken a seat on the armrest, her hand on his shoulder, stroking his neck gently and absentmindedly.

"Although it may be hard to believe, it is." He had come to terms with the developments of the past weeks. It had not been an easy choice and he had questioned his decision almost every day. Maybe he could still work, stay in the background, let Mr Molesley take over the more challenging tasks, bring Mr Barrow back. As long as he did not serve, everything would be just as it always was. But the pain in his hand had not subsided, was getting worse the colder it got outside. Dr Clarkson had prescribed him a few remedies but nothing but rest truly helped.

The devastating fact was that he could no longer do his work properly, was incapable of keeping up the high standards he had always set for himself. A butler that could not execute all the tasks he was supposed to should consider giving up his work otherwise he could be seen as an embarrassment for his employer, a laughing stock. The Crawleys had given him a second chance forty-five years ago, allowed him to return to Downton Abbey as a footman. He had worked hard to gain his current position, had dedicated his life to the family. Exposing them to ridicule at the next dinner by his failure was unfair. So with a heavy heart he had decided to pass on his butler journals and the keys to the wine cellar and silver vault to the next man.

His wife smiled down at him and kissed the top of his head. She had helped him come to the decision, after many long and heated arguments and perhaps the biggest row they had ever had. She knew how important his work was for him but she was also aware of the pain he suffered. Staying at home without any purpose other than enjoying life had scared him. So his pride and her practical mind had fought a heated battle. In the end she convinced him by suggesting a compromise.

"It's going to be a different life." He looked up at her. The smile on her face was still there, beautiful and warm.

"Yes, but together we'll manage." This time it was she who gently touched his cheek.

OOoooooOOoooooOOoooooOO

He had switched off the lamps on their bedside tables and closed the curtains. The only source of light was the fire in the fireplace at the foot of their bed that warmed the room and cast the most interesting shadows on the walls. The clock on the mantelpiece chimed three in the morning. Usually they would long have been in bed by now. But tomorrow no one would knock on their door at six or seven. Only their body clocks might wake them while darkness still covered the snowy landscape outside.

January 1st was their first day they would spend as Charles and Elsie Carson, not as housekeeper and butler anymore. He was a bit nervous about that and not yet sure how he would get through the day. Elsie had promised him distraction, like a long walk and a visit to the Bates's cottage. But he was unsure whether that would be enough.

"Oh this is nice." Her voice stopped his seemingly never-ending ruminations. "And so cozy." She slipped out of her robe and joined him in bed. "I'm so cold after the walk."

"I can feel it." Her cold feet touched his shins, like they did almost every night. He had come to like this about her but it took some getting used to at first. Sharing a bed, sharing so many habits they had previously kept private. Now they would be even closer, spending entire days in each other's company. He no longer had his butler's pantry and she had handed over her keys to a new housekeeper. Their little refuges no longer existed, hiding to avoid a discussion was no longer an option. Work was no excuse anymore. It would be difficult and adjusting to this new life might cause a few more rows. _Together we'll manage._

"But we have time to warm me up, don't we?" Her hand slipped into his pyjama top.

"All the time in the world now, love. Happy New Year."

* * *

the end.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews 3. Because of them and because of the chelsie christmas countdown started by silhouettedswallow over at tumblr, I decided to write a second chapter._

 ** _Enjoy!_**

* * *

 ** _2_**

"Do you think we made the right decision?" The question was asked in the middle of the night into the darkness of their bedroom. He did not even know whether she was awake and listening to him. But the question had been burning in the back of his mind for days now. He had to ask it.

"Perhaps I could have stayed to teach them, to assist them." He stared at the dark ceiling; unable to stop thinking about that topic now that he had said out loud what had troubled him for so long. Of course they had been through all of this before, had heated arguments, not spoken for a few days after a particularly intense row. In the end, retiring had been the best option, and a logical one too. They had come to the decision together.

Still, he could not completely let go of the alternative plan he had suggested. "I'm a good butler", he whispered into to quiet room. "I could've helped them."

His voice quavered and he felt a hot tear roll down his cheek. He let it happen. No one could see him and Elsie was asleep or else she would have reacted to his questions already. Soon he was sobbing quietly and turned on his side, away from her.

What had been the essential element of his life was gone now. For decades his routine had always been the same, day in day out. He knew exactly what he was doing, what to expect of each and every situation. Not many things were able to throw him off course, although a few unexpected situations had occurred while he had been in charge. Lady Sybil's death, Mr Matthew's accident or Anna's arrest. But he had maneuvered through them in the end, found his balance again. With her help. Life away from the house, away from all the responsibilities he had for so many years, frightened him. What would he do with his time?

He took a deep breath in an effort to stop his tears. "I would have managed."

"Maybe." Her voice should have startled him, but he was too lost in his thoughts to realize she was awake and talking to him. With her left hand, she began to soothingly stroke his arm. "But we don't know that." She placed a kiss on his neck.

"I could not stand by and watch how you suffered… the pain… ", he could hear that she too, was close to tearing up. Her hand slipped underneath his pyjama top, caressed his warm skin. "We will be alright… we will be together."

She was so close, her entire body touched his back. He could feel her breath in his neck, her fingertips on his skin. Over a year ago he had proposed, had taken all his courage to ask the most important question of his life. He had been frightened, not sure whether his decision was a wise or foolish one. In his life, there had been many turning points and not every one of them had brought him security and happiness. Leaving the Abbey for a different, more exciting life as a young lad had been a bad decision, coming back, asking for help a painful but sensible one. Working up the courage to marry his best friend, and the love of his life, had been a very long and difficult process. And he had not been able to predict the outcome. It could have all gone wrong, starting with a no from her to cancelling the wedding because it was simply not proper to marry in their positions.

But in the end, every second it had taken him to plan his proposal had been worth it. And every day they spent together, married, had been a blessing. Without her, he would now be alone in his cold, dark bedroom in the servant's quarters. There would be no one there to hold him, to tell him that everything will be fine.

"I don't want to be a burden", he whispered.

"Turn around, please." Her voice was soft, calm.

Slowly she backed away, gave him room to turn over on his other side to face her. Their noses almost touched and he could see the unshed tears in her eyes. "You will never be a burden. For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. Remember?"

He nodded and a few more tears trickled down his cheeks. She wiped them away with her thumb. "I know you're afraid of what's to come. So am I." A kiss followed, brief but sweet. "But you are not alone."

OOoooooOOoooooOOoooooOO

New Year's Day started with fresh snow and heavy clouds. Instead of rising at six in the morning to start their day, they had slept in until eight. No alarm woke them, no knock on the door disturbed their sleep. Once awake, he had left the warmth of their bed to open the curtains to let in some light but it did not make a huge difference. The grey winter weather outside was not a nice sight to look at and the room too cold to stay out of bed for too long. Despite the urge to start the day, to get things done, he returned to her side and slipped underneath the thick duvet. The restlessness he felt soon subsided and made way to a new feeling of contentment.

He lay on his back, her head rested on his chest and he gently stroked her hair.

"Happy New Year, Mr Carson." She turned to kiss his bare chest, then looked up at him.

"The happiest ever."

* * *

maybe the end...


End file.
